Why People Pressure Others — Understanding the Why

Have you ever had a friend try to get you to do something you knew you shouldn't? Maybe they wanted you to break a rule or skip your chores. It can feel confusing. You might wonder, "Why are they doing this?" The answer is usually not about you. It is almost always about them.

When someone tries to make you do something, it's called peer pressure. That is when a friend or classmate tries to influence your choices. It can feel like they are being mean, but often there is another reason they are acting that way.Most of the time, kids who pressure others are feeling unsure about their own choices. Imagine someone jumping into a cold swimming pool. They might shout, "Come on, you jump in too!" They do not want to be the only one who is cold. They want company to make their choice feel better.Here are the main reasons someone might pressure you:They feel insecure about what they are doing.They want you to be just like them so they feel normal.They are not thinking about your feelings, only their own.Understanding this does not make the pressure okay. But it can make...

Ethan, who is 10, was trying to finish his homework. His friend Noah kept texting him. "Just stop doing it! Let's play the new game online. Everyone else is." Ethan felt annoyed. Why couldn't Noah just wait? Then Ethan remembered something. Noah had gotten a bad grade on his last homework. He was probably worried about this one, too. Noah didn't want to be the only one who didn't finish. He was feeling insecure. The pressure wasn't really about the game. It was about Noah not wanting to feel alone. Ethan texted back, "I have to finish this first. We can play later." He still said no, but he wasn't angry anymore. He understood where Noah was coming from.